i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
