you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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