With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
