No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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