Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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