Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize