i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
