I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
