What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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