the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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