if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
