Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
