oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
