2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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