Your favorite bartender is back from prision
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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