I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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