this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
