grandma shit on top of the toilet
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
