honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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