i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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