sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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