I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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