I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
