The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
