Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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