I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
