Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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