i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
