I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
