I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
