You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
