Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
