I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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