So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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