Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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