dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
