I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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