Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
