I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
