i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
