In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
