So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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