Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I came so hard my ears popped.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
