You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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