This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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