I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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