Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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