Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
