nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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