"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
