Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
