just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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