Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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