4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If i come over, it means nothing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize