party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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