I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
