First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
