I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she told me i tasted like america
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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