i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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