according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
