I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
