Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
