I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
