toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
